The workshop was titled, “Communication,” but this wasn’t about the kind of communication you do with your mouth. The first main point the instructors made was, “Look at your partner.” There were a couple humorous demonstrations to drive the point home. Ultimately, how do you communicate what you body is doing if you aren’t seeing your partner? Well yes. That makes a lot of sense. So why is eye contact so hard?
At any rate, I made the effort, being sure to look at each partner, yet somehow trying to find a balance that didn’t make me feel like I was in a kindergarten staring contest. Then I stepped down the line to him. The instructor said, “Connect to your partner.” I held out my hand and looked into his eyes. My stomach fluttered. I wanted to look away, but couldn’t. I felt pulled toward him like a magnet that couldn’t resist. Then it was over as quickly as it began. I was grateful to step away from him.
I connected to each partner in our group without any similar inclination until I returned to him. I questioned this notion, this idea, comprehending woth full recognition it was forbidden. He is just one of many partners I had and would encounter over the weekend.
He didn’t come to dinner, but he was on my mind. Later, he asked me to dance… Not once, but many times. He’d ask and lead me to the floor. Connecting… through multiple points. A connection that reached into me and touched my heart. Butterflies fluttered. My skin tingled. I came in too close on our push break. I struggled to look away.
I began a dangerous addiction, craving his connection… His touch. His eye contact. I continue to wonder how one-sided this connection is while my mind and body crave more.
I know the reality. I know this can’t be. It won’t happen. I know the truth.