I developed a hatred – or possibly fear – of going places alone. It haunts me to this day. I tend to blame it on being an only child. My mom – like all loving parents do – signed me up for classes like gymnastics and jazz dance. I always always the only child there who didn’t have a sister or a best friend. All the other pairs and triples were dropped off together and picked up together. They laughed and talked and conveniently didn’t even notice me. I hated it. I never built a friendship with any of those girls. I often sat alone waiting to be picked up. I hated it.
Ironically, I’m alone today. I don’t have a husband. I don’t have kids. I considered going swing dancing tonight. But I haven’t been in a while… and I have a fear of going alone. I’ve done it before, but it doesn’t matter. I have this fear. This fight inside prevents me from leaving the house and showing up somewhere alone.
I am staying home tonight… working up courage to try again next week. I’ll make it out and I usually have a good time. It’s just this huge obstacle inside me I have to overcome.