“Alone” Syndrome

I developed a hatred – or possibly fear – of going places alone.  It haunts me to this day.  I tend to blame it on being an only child.  My mom – like all loving parents do – signed me up for classes like gymnastics and jazz dance.  I always always the only child there who didn’t have a sister or a best friend.  All the other pairs and triples were dropped off together and picked up together.  They laughed and talked and conveniently didn’t even notice me.  I hated it.  I never built a friendship with any of those girls.  I often sat alone waiting to be picked up.  I hated it.

Ironically, I’m alone today.  I don’t have a husband.  I don’t have kids.  I considered going swing dancing tonight.  But I haven’t been in a while… and I have a fear of going alone.  I’ve done it before, but it doesn’t matter.  I have this fear.  This fight inside prevents me from leaving the house and showing up somewhere alone.

I am staying home tonight… working up courage to try again next week.  I’ll make it out and I usually have a good time.  It’s just this huge obstacle inside me I have to overcome.

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