I have been on a bus to nowhere for a long time. It seems to be driving on a circular dirt road of nothingness. Last night I went to the homecoming football game alone… And sat alone because I have no friends where I work. This is the second year in a row people come after me, wave, but don’t ever come say hi or sit by me. I left after the homecoming king and queen were announced at half-time. It’s amazing how lonely this world is.
My friend’s daughter tured 20 this week. I’m about to have dinner with them. But in reality, I see them about once a month. I have no husband, no boyfriend, no children, no brothers, no sisters. It’s time I get off this damn bus! I’m the only freaking passenger!
I have dedicated my life to taking care of other people’s children. Started babysitting at 11 – and not just 3 or 4 times a year. It was more like 3-4 times per month. Started teaching Sunday School at 14. Began teaching the after school astronomy program at 16. Added tutoring elementary kids in reading at 17. Taught pre-school at 18 and decided to pursue my bachelor’s degree. Obviously I became a teacher. Now I’m done.
How can it be that I have tried to work with people and have a career in service BUT I am one of the loneliest people in the world? It really is intensely ironic.
I’m standing at the door of the speeding bus ready do jump out but I can’t decide if it’s going to be detrimental to my health to jump out now. Will it hurt me more or help me more to stay on and wait until it slows down?