SoCS: This and That

This is Sunday again and I’ve missed the SoCS Saturday.  Luckily the “S” can just mean “Sunday” on my page.  I was missing him again… Feeling like if he were alive I could just make a phone call and stop feeling so lonely.  I wondered why we didn’t end up together… Why we never dated.  If it wasn’t for that tree, maybe we would have married years ago.  But maybes aren’t the world I live in.  I can’t sit at home on Friday night again.  I’m too lonely to allow myself to sit at home alone tonight. I can’t identify a friend I could call who wouldn’t already have plans that don’t include me.  I start to ask myself why I don’t have any invites anywhere, but I realize that’s beyond the point and wonder what you would tell me.  I conclude to find a meetup event.  It’s a strange night.  Two different people compliment the gap in my front teeth.  I can’t help but laugh.  I’ve lived over 30 years and can’t say I’ve ever been complimented on that before… So twice in one night is beyond unexpected.  I say thank you.  By this time, you’ve exited my mind. Then the girls are b dancing on the bar and pouring shots in people’s mouths.  Then I remember that place we went with our friends. They used to do that… Called  them “upside down margaritas” I think.  I’m not sure I knew why I was hanging out with that group.  I know who was there.  I know where were before and where we went after, but the only image clear in my mind is you.  Suddenly I was tired and ready to go home.   I put my number in the phone of the guy who asked me to dance.  I doubted he’d use it, but it was a risk worth taking.  Maybe practice for a guy who will use it.  I don’t usually stay up so late and I can’t wait to put my head on my pillow.  I know I’ve been meeting you in my dreams.  It’s a blur in the daylight hours… Like it never happened.  I imagine it’s a meeting in a garden near the gates that lead to Heaven.  But such a thing is just a passing thought compared to the our fictional meeting.  Reality is much more cruel.  You are just a memory of a friend who was there when I needed him.  I have to hold on to that.

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