#39 Contains a Line From a Bob Dylan Song

I let the water run over my face and wonder briefly how I managed to get out of your bed. I slowly begin to wash your sweat and DNA from my body; allowing the soap and water to separate you from me.  Each drop of water feels like a thousand knives cutting into my soul.   Outside, the sky soaks the world in rain – crying tears from the pain.  I can hear it tapping on the walls, trying to break into the apartment, when I shut the water off.   But I know that is a lie.  The world doesn’t care for me.  If it did, I wouldn’t be in this situation… AGAIN.   My mind drifts to haunting song lyrics, nagging at my heart, “…in my hour of need I truly am indeed alone again naturally…”

I dress my body, tie my hair, brush my teeth and wipe my tears.  I lay my head on your chest one last time, wishing beyond reality you could quell my fears.  I kiss you one last time and watch you close the door.  I lean on the wall, feeling unstable – ready to fall.  I repeat to myself, “One foot in front of the other.  Just walk.  One foot in front of the other.  Walk.  One foot…”  Some how I am at the bottom, pushing open the door.  Once it slams behind me, I pause and close my eyes, but the tears pour down my face anyways.  “Walk.  One foot in front of the other.  You’ve been walking for 31 years.  One foot in front of the other…”  Once I’m in my car I cry.  I wonder if I’m breathing – or if this could be just a dream.  Maybe I died and I’m in hell.  Living this pain is definitely hell.  But the harsh reality of this pain tells me I’m still alive.  If I’m still alive, I have to be at work today, “so I’d best be on my way in the early morning rain.”

**Written for Winter Scavenger Hunt by From the Church of the Toasted Coconut Doughnut


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