Disappointing Moment

Sometimes the weight of disappointment is crushing.  I don’t understand why this feels so heartbreaking.  Maybe I’m a drama queen.  Or maybe I just haven’t felt that kind of excitement in a long time.  It’s gone before it even started.  I feel cheated – like I’m being denied the one thing everybody else can have.  The weight of the disappointment feels like I’m trapped under a collapsed building.  But nothing collapsed.  The foundation was never layed.  My hurt is not acceptable.  I made the adult decision – it was mostly for selfish reasons.  But in reality, I have no right to get between a woman and her man.  I don’t want to hurt that woman – a complete stranger – the way I have been hurt.  I also don’t believe I’d even be a consideration on his mind once she returns.  When he chooses to abandon me without a care in the world, I’d be emotionally destroyed.  I must preserve what little bit of me still exists.  So disappointment now is better than death later.  Selfish. Purely selfish motivations.

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