The air was warm even though the wind carried a snappy bite. The wind is always colder when the weather comes from the north. It’s usually the first sign fall is going to pass through, lackadaisically dragging winter behind it. Today the clouds appeared to be orange scales of a snake’s belly; slithering over us. They turned a creamy golden shade when the sun picked itself up off the horizon, ascending toward its throne.
The ironic symbolism of sky-snakes slapped me in the face as my newest reoccurring dream replayed in my mind. I made a mental note to research snake symbolism when I would attempt to procrastinate work later in the day. I was certain the emotions regarding him and our detrimentally failed relationship were neutralized. It seems they were merely shrouded by my neutralized actions. I simply smiled, stated, “It is what it is” and kept on living – forcing one foot in front of the other. I feel raw and mangled – like skin that has had an unfortunate, instant meeting with the concrete sidewalk.
I loved him. But we were stuck on an endless gyroscope – hurting each other over and over and over… Is this the taste of regret? I can name one hundred reasons why I made the right choice – or at least 5. Yet my subconscious is highlighting my injuries with subliminal messages. I believed in a special kind of love that he resented. I believed because I still had him. That belief – a tiny little piece of hope – shattered into a million pieces when he walked out that door.
I have been broken all this time. It takes a snake in the sky to unravel my strength and reveal the pain I can no longer deny.